Living life to the fullest is not what i normally do as a teenage girl, it is something i intended and dream out, unfortunately i am so not normal. Watching all your friends hanging out, having a boyfriend, going on a vacation, going on a road trips with some pals is not something i experience a lot. While other teenage girls is having fun, i'm staying at home pretending to be such a badass, acting strong like nothing is bothering me, while the others is meeting their friends, i'm home keeping my brothers safe from all the danger, while everyone is focusing on their exams, i'm still stressing out about my family. Being in a problematic family is something that is hard to bare with, having a father who kept cheating on your mom and neglect the family, a father who thinks money can buy everyhing and that's how to raise a child, not by loving your child but by giving a whole lot of cash, by beating them up, by scolding them when he had a fight with his girlfriend, by blaming your own child for everything, by prioriting your friends instead of your family. Also a mom, who blames you for the failure of her marriage, who beat you up for stressing about your father. This is something that i need to go through in my daily basis, having to hear your parents fight every night, all the screams, shouts, crying, all the cursing. Having to explain to your little brothers about everything since you are the eldest, having to cope up with everything, having to stay strong in front of your parents, having to bare all the endless pain. As a teenager, life is getting hard for me, i started cutting to ease the pain, i started punching the walls till my knuckels bleed the fuck out, i started banging my head against the wall hoping that i'll lost my memory and have amnesia, i started being suicidal. A child who is lack of love from her parents. This is how i trully am. Judge me all you want because i am used to the society, the modern fucked up selfish ignorant society. Be judgemental and wait till this shit hit you in the back of your forehead.